to stand in front of one dying … I must first do my own work

April 16, 2014

in Spirituality

“Through a Time of Darkness … I Found the Solid Point of a Restart”
I cannot look at the countless events that happened in the past year but with a great gratitude which moves me to tears. It has, paradoxically, been the toughest year and at the same time the most revolutionary one because of the sign of a great preference for me. I was going through a time of darkness in my life, like Dante in the first Canticle from The Divine Comedy.
I was literally at risk of ruining and throwing away all the dearest things of my life.  At a certain point, the Lord through the brave faces of my friends, decisively put me up against the wall. At that precise moment, right when I discovered that I was in need of everything, I started following these same friends because I glimpsed a proposal of something good for me.
A little later, another sign of preference came to me (not any sweeter than the first one): the health conditions of  Dionino–a member of the Memores Domini living in London–deteriorated and a friend asked me if I could be the liaison between the doctors in the UK and those in Italy. I started going to visit Dionino, whom I didn’t know very well–the relationship had to be built from scratch. The very first time I walked into the house, I met  this person who was on his deathbed while maintaining his dignity as a man. Initially, it was not simple because Dionino kept asking a lot of questions, both medical and personal, in front of which I had to answer very honestly. Many times, I would have preferred to run away.
For this reason, this simple weekly dialogue forced me to work on myself personally. That is, I realized that to stand in front of him, I had first to be serious and honest with myself. I could not tell him half-truths–Dionino needed loyalty and sincerity. And it was like this the entire time: while he walked toward and prepared himself to see Jesus, I walked with him and, following him, I regained myself. The loyalty to that weekly meeting with him was born within this dynamic.
I realized that I could not help but to continue visiting him because his open humanity was what I was looking for, for myself. Dionino, through his experience, helped to awaken my desire to be alive. Within the reciprocal affection which was born, a familiarity developed  because we shared the same tension toward Destiny.
This affection spread among the others in the Memores Domini  house;  in addition the relationship with my boyfriend and friends flourished again. The initial intuition of good turned into a personal work, looking at a man who lived his encounter with Jesus in a human way, and finally into a solid judgment, forced by his death. This judgment is that it is true that in accompanying someone to death, one can regain life.
Now, in the daily struggle, getting “stuck” again is easy, but thanks to the flesh of His preference seen through the face of my friends and within the circumstances, I have learned to recognize Him, and this will remain always the solid point of a new beginning. It wasn’t the dramatic circumstances that made this past year so extraordinary, but the fact that I have learned to love Jesus more by following a man who wanted to embrace Him. Through this, I learned to love myself, my humanity and then everything around me.
Giulia, London (Traces Jan ‘14)

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