moved for the destiny of the other …

May 2, 2013

in Hospice & Palliative Medicine,Spirituality

I am a nurse, and this week I met a fifty year-old lady, who was admitted to my ward because she had muscular dystrophy which had caused her to become paralyzed and unable to breathe. Already the day she was admitted, she had grabbed my arm and had told me: “Let me die!”. The other night she called me ringing the bell, because she was unable to lie down, she could not stay still; also she always tries to remove the oxygen because she wants to die. Since she didn’t want to sleep, I spent some time with her, and she told me about her life: “I had three husbands, but I haven’t found the right one yet”. Also, she kept saying: “I would like to die, I would like to die: why don’t they let me die?”. I asked her: “Why do you want to die?”. She answered: “Because I am imprisoned in a body, I would like to know, to talk with people, and yet I am here, imprisoned in a body that doesn’t let me do what I desire”. I was struck by this, I was moved by her desire (and this doesn’t always happen to me with my patients), by her desire to know. Afterwards, I happened to tell her: “Look, you still have something to discover, you still have something to discover in life”, and she, looking at me, challenging me, said: “Who am I to you? I am not your mother, I am not a relative of yours, you have to tell me who I am to you”. In that moment I realized that she was somebody to me, because – just for the fact that I was moved for the destiny of this woman – I recognized once again that this was His initiative for me.

You were moved for that woman’s destiny. This is what corresponds; this is our experience of God’s nature as being moved; all the evil in us, all our fragility cannot stop us – in certain moments – from being moved for the destiny of another, even in this condition. Julian Carron. March 10, 2010. SoC

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